We gave each other the freedom to chart our own paths in life.

It was always part of my plan to leave South Africa and live in Europe, but I thought I would wait until my sons, who are now 20, 18, and 15, had finished school.

In early 2020, they decided to move permanently to their father’s house. This brought the plan forward.

By mid-2021 I was on my way to two weeks of quarantine in Ireland. I was filled with guilt, fear, excitement, and hope.

It took nine-months of rattling around a 4-bedroom house in Edgemead on my own to finally make the decision.

It was all part of the painful process of letting them go. At first, I couldn’t believe it was a permanent move.

I was a single mom, and we had been together as a team for over 10 years. Now I was only seeing them on alternate weekends and a few times during the week. But as the weeks and then months wore on, I got some perspective.

It was the best move for the relationships with all three. The distance gave us time and space to really see each other and remember what we love about each other and why.

I got to see my sons as strong, independent young men, not boys. I came to respect them even more, and our relationship deepened in ways that can only happen when parents truly let go.

One day, sitting in the home I had bought for four people, not one, I realised I was just waiting around. But for what? Like many mothers, I had put my life on pause while my kids grew into independent people.

It was clear that I was no longer the centre around which their lives revolved. I had a chance to hit “play” on my life again.

It was a giddy realisation. And one filled with “bad mother” feelings. What kind of mother even considers emigrating without her children? Eventually the answer came.

A mother who wants to build a life she is delighted by and wants to share with her kids. A mother who can model what living in integrity looks and feels like.

A mother who can show that you don’t have to compromise yourself to stay in relationship with your family. I could grow wings and teach my sons to grow theirs.

In the next five months, while prepping to leave, we had some great adventures. My aim was to create memories for a lifetime.

I wanted to strengthen the foundation of love, trust and respect we had been building since they were born, and which had matured since they moved in with their dad.

My biggest fear was whether I would be able to read them from so far away and know if something was wrong. The short answer: Yes!

I can tell how they are by how they answer my video call. Because of the relationship we have, I get the honest truth, even if it hurts to hear when it’s about missing me.

No conversation is ever off the table. We speak two to three times a week, about everything from matric to girlfriends to fears and dreams about the future.

It’s not always easy. I run two worlds. One here in Ireland, where it’s about succeeding at work and building a full vibrant life that is big enough for them to enjoy as well.

The other world is school emails, matric dance suits, maths tutoring and orthodontist appointments. But somehow it works.

It takes a lot of awareness and time, but it’s worth it.

I don’t regret my decision. I have built a life that supports me. I have the freedom to be me completely.

I am no longer waiting for my life to begin. I am living it in all its complex, crazy, wonderfulness.

I know that my choice was unconventional, and many aren’t convinced I did the right thing. But I have learnt to dance to the beat of my own drum.

My sons gave me the freedom to choose this life. Now I am able to give them the freedom to follow their own paths, and never to put their lives on hold.